Guess this sounds like a rage-bait title doesn’t it? Well… it’s actually in reference to myself. I’ve been polishing the dialogue more this past weekend. I’ve found a lot of places where the dialogue ended up sounding jank, where the transitions didn’t flow very well. Ideally, it’d be written in such a way where the logic could be followed gracefully and seamlessly, such that the player doesn’t even realize there’s something off.

In a way, I guess that could work for the NTR route, wherein Davide needs to come off as a menacing individual. But, in a way, this scene was designed to kind of try to put in subtle hints via the omniscient observer point of view, being able to see their thoughts and feelings as the scene plays out.

This has left me feeling a bit conflicted, because, yes, I’ll need to put multiple multiple more levels of polish on this draft script before it’ll be something I think I’m proud of and able to actually feel is ready for release.

But I guess, in a way, I still want to stick to the EoY deadline. Partially, I can justify this as an investment in tooling my workflow. If I can hit that deadline, I’ll have a general pattern for the work I’ll be undertaking in the future, which I can gradually make tweaks and streamline.

In short, what I think I want out of this demo, is to see if the play testers feel like there’s any potential in the project. Thus far, it’s largely been self-gratification, but I’m hoping to make a game that I would be fine fapping to myself.

That said, reviewing it over and over and replaying it, making modifications to the dialogue, adding more renders, re-guessing decisions I had made on the soundtrack, all of this is stuff that I think glaringly points out my deficiencies as a developer.

But it’s good. If I can stay positive, and have a more disciplined and scientific approach towards receiving feedback, to not get swept up emotionally in the work, to take the negative criticism and make the proper changes to it, I think it may help me grow as a storyteller.

Oh, but it’s going to be hard. I think… it’s going to take a lot of mental fortitude to have the discipline not to break down, to pick myself up, and to keep going.

To also continue to hone the craft, to do it for the sake of the art. But I’m writing this post here so that I can reference it down the line, so I can reflect on having realized these barriers that will be in my way.

And to set the hope down of not losing hope or the desire for improvement.

Not all developers start off as geniuses of the craft, and a lot of them experiment a bit with their initial versions, but I think it’s largely in actually attaining the end goal as well as seeing the growth potential and sticking to it that sets the greats apart from the mediocre.

I’ve got my work cut out for me.